If You Have Single People in Your Family

by GfG on December 17, 2012 · 7 comments

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I have been blessed to have a few friends who are single women that are willing to share their hearts with me.  I value their friendships because of who they are and I also cherish the honor of them sharing difficult issues with me.

If you don’t know this, being a single woman past the age of twenty-five (and especially past thirty) in America is difficult and they bear many thoughtless and hurtful moments, even from their family.

As I prayed about posts for this next week, this topic kept coming up in my mind.

I have been stunned by some of the issues that my friends have to deal with and so I share the following as a way to encourage and remind us to be thoughtful towards those in our extended family that are not in the same season of life as us, even if they are in the same age bracket.

How to show love to the single members of our adult family:

Remember that they do not have a built in buffer for difficult relationships like we do.  It’s never fun to deal with difficult people and even less so when you have to do it on your own.  This means that  we have to think outside of ourselves to be considerate of how they might be feeling entering a situation and be willing to be a buffer for them.  Can you even imagine how this will bless them?

Choose not to leave them out of gift giving.  Again, single women (and men) don’t have spouses who are giving gifts to them and children that bring them small tokens to show love.  Too often I hear of families that move to the, “Let’s just give to the kids” gig.  That’s lovely and all, except a single member is then left out.  While I understand that buying lots of gifts gets costly, choosing to remember that not everyone is in our situation is more valuable.  Give gifts (or at least a gift) to the single members of your adult family because you want them to know you’ve thought of them.

Also remember that, financially, this member is spending money on gifts and no one is doing the same for them if the “only the kids” rule has been instituted, so if the mindset is purely financial, we are still doing them a disservice.   And if you have a large family like myself and you do this, umm…  really not fair.

Include them in events that tie heart strings.  Yes, I’m bringing up the idea that traditions tie hearts to families again.  😉   Single men and women love tradition just as much as the next person.  They don’t have a brood in which they get to initiate this as the mama, so their innate desire to connect can be left wanting.  If we choose to include them as often as possible, we are showing them and our children that family is important.  I promise you they will be blessed to the very core of their heart.

These friends & lovely young ladies are not over thirty.       😉

Take time to spend one-on-one time with them.  My heart has hurt as I’ve realized how lonely being a single adult can be, any time, but especially at holidays.  We can all get caught up in our nuclear families and the delight it is to minister to them, that we forget we still have family that need us.

Choosing to spend time with them in a way that isn’t only including them in other things we are doing, but in a way that highlights just them is priceless.  We all appreciate one on one time with those who love us, right?  So, be sure to not leave out the ones who do not have a spouse who does this on date nights for them as well as in little ways throughout the holiday.

Be sure to touch them.  Lots.  Another issue I hadn’t realized … only because I didn’t take the time to think it through… is how touch starved single people can be.  Again, no little people hugging and kissing them throughout the day.  No spouse to snuggle and stuff.  We all know that touch is important.  That truth doesn’t end at the married or over 18 line.  Single people need to connect even in that way.

If they are Christians, then they believe in saving themselves for marriage and that  means their touch bank can be low indeed.  Take the time to hug, pat, and kiss them.  Make sure you tell your kiddos to load their aunt/uncle up on touch.

Pray for them.  We can all be guilty of forgetting to pray for people outside our home and yet the single members of our family are precious to us.  Demonstrate that love by lifting them to the Father.  Set aside blessed communication with the Creator on their behalf.  Can we do anything more loving?

Though I no longer have single adults in my family, I’m grateful for my friends who help me see outside myself and my little world to show the love I I really do have for others!  I challenge you to put forth the effort to show love to those who need it just as much as us, but have no one in their home choosing to do this.

What a difference we can make in someone’s Christmas (and life in general!)!  

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